Chapter 11 Relational Dialects

In the relational dialect, it is said that their are three "dialectical tensions" that cannot be gotten rid of. Of these three tensions there is both an external and internal side. After reviewing these in class, and talking about each individual tension, I began to think about what the dialectical tensions where in my relationships. I found that these tensions seem to always be the base of arguments in my relationships because they are simply something that will not go away. One specific example is that I am currently in a long distance relationship and because of that there are things that my boyfriend doesn't know about me that he would otherwise know if we where living very close to one another. These things being everyday activities, events or just small accomplishments through out the week. I feel that this is a great example of the expression-non expression dialect. I do not always tell him every detail of my day and of the things I do because their isn't a need to do so, and the same goes for him. However, if their is something that one of us doesn't tell one another about that we tell each other much later about, we both tend to get a little upset. With that said one can see that in the external part of this dialect, the balance between revelation and concealment is always an issue. A good example of the Integration-Separation dialect that I have seen would be in a the movie "The Break-up" with Jennifer Aniston and Vince Vaughn. In the movie they constantly argue over the fact that he doesn't spend enough time helping her out around the house and with other aspect in their relationship. While on the other hand he thinks that he spends more than enough time helping her out. As the movie progresses this issue eventually becomes the downfall of their relationship. In this film Jennifer Aniston is internally seeking connectedness, while Vince Vaughn is internally seeking separateness.